I know what you are already thinking, “Isn’t this supposed to be a travel blog? What do your marriage problems have to do with travel?” It is. They do. I promise. I’m going to bring this full circle.

The reason for this post (and before I get too deep into our travels) is to show the “real” side of us. I’ve learned, especially through social media, how easy it is to look at the photos and quick lines someone posts and to think “what a perfect marriage/life they have”. You see up until this year I didn’t realize what work you actually had to put into a marriage to make it last. Was I naive? Yes, I was. Up until this year, I thought WE were the problem and everyone else was doing it right. I didn’t even know others had my struggles until our world almost fell apart.

Timo and I met at a bar in Germany in his hometown. I was studying abroad and he was out drinking away his sorrows over his ex girlfriend. Solid start, right? After too many whiskey shots I got the nerve to persistently ask him to join our group. It took a bit of convincing, but he finally gave in. We’ve basically been inseparable ever since.

It sounds like a fairytale and it was. We lived in Germany for awhile, had our daughter, and decided to move to the States. We started over. Both of us built successful careers. I got a Masters degree. We bought a house, had our son, and focused all of our energy being great parents and excellent employees. So how did everything go so wrong? We spent all of our energy being amazing at everything else, we totally lost ourselves.

After 8 years of rebuilding, parenting, and moving up our career ladders we had no idea how to be adults and more specifically, adults who were in love. We were like two shells of human beings moving through life. Any energy we had, we gave to our children. I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. I thought our marriage was over and we just weren’t meant to be.

This was the turning point. From the moment I left, friends (who were in successful marriages) told me their stories of how they almost left. It was this moment, seeing other people feel the same way I was and getting through it, that really showed me the sham of social media. I was only seeing the best of their lives, but didn’t realize how much they had actually been through. I also started to go out and have fun again with friends. I had always felt guilty before either about leaving Timo with the kids or leaving the kids in general. What I discovered, though, is that I’m fun. Like really fun. I’m a giant ball of fun. I had completely forgotten how much I loved to laugh.

Then there was Timo. God bless him. He never gave up on me. He fought for me tooth and nail when I wasn’t worth a penny. He eventually broke down my wall of fear and once we started to spend time together again, I remembered exactly why I love him. I discovered that when we put us and our marriage at the forefront, we have something special. It was never gone; it was stored away and forgotten in all of our daily stress. This is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but also one that showed me the greatest thing that’s ever entered my life. I learned to fight, not against Timo, but for him. I learned how much I want to fight for him.

So again, you ask, “what does this have to do with travel?” Travel is how we reconnect with ourselves and with each other. You have to leave that stress behind. You’ve got to get away and remember that you are fun! This is why Jamaica was so important to me and to us. This is why I will make necessary sacrifices to be able to get away with Timo alone. He’s worth it. Our marriage is worth it. I never want to forget how close I came to losing him, so I always remember to fight for him.

I wanted to write this post, so other people who might be going through a rough time in their marriage and see our pictures and think how “perfect” we may look, that we aren’t. When you pull the social media curtain away, we are a normal couple who has disagreements and gets annoyed with each other. But we are also now a couple who refuses to go to bed mad at each other. Don’t look at others and think you are doing something wrong. Not everyone shows the ugly side. This is our ugly side and it made us the strongest we’ve ever been. So fight through the ugly and go on a trip. Get away and discover how great you can be again. When you get back, come tell me where you went, so we can check it out. Preferably all-inclusive and adults only. (If you haven’t tried it yet, you need to.)

Thanks for listening.